Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
