Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
one might say we're banned from that church
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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