I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
wow bdsm is so cute
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
