I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
