When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
