Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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