mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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