I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
