what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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