I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
