Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
