I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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