ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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