Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
