I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
