I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
