im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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