Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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