There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
