also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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