Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
