I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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