i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
