Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
