I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize