ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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