seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
