he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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