come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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