I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
