She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
