I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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