Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
