Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
