I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize