I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
