If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
