I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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