If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
