was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
