You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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