Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm both gender and math confused
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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