This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
