I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
