"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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