Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
