the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
