After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
