I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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