His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize