Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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