Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
