"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
