He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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