Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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