EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
