I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
