farters have to be the big spoon...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
