She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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