found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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