I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
