i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
