How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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