So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
