yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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