Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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