hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
barbara walters just said penis...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
