i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
