i can't believe i had my finger in that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
