I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
